I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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