Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
