You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
