i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
