i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
