Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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