people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
