dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
