Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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