I'm eating all of the evidence.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
