At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
