Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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