Where is the hickey?
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
