Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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