That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
