Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
