Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
