So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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