I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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