I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
