Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.