Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become