when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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