I haven't been this sober since birth.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK