I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
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Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
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I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.