I'm drive I can fine osifer
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
25 People Admit the Worst Things They’ve Done for Good Reasons
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
25 Things All Men Can Definitely Agree On
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.