My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.