The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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