then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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