this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
