I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I think my moral compass just broke
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