Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
