i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Ambien. No doubt about it.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
