Say something about gay babies.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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