I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
