The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
