I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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