covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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