Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
