the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
