Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
