I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
