I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
