mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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