I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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