Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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