You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
