It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
