Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
