Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
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