Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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