I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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