im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
