this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
