Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
