Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
