there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
