My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
