he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
When are your genitals available?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
