the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
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