I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
