Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Bang-toberfest begins!!
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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