WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize