as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
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