My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
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