god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
We are all done wearing pants today
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
