it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
