Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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