he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
