flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
