Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
