dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
