Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
