i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
this will be a night to untag.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Randomize
