Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
