There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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