Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
