The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
