omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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