I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Randomize
