I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Girls should come with a carfax report
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
