Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
