Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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