i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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