he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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