My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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