I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
