i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
