I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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