They should really pass out barf bags in church
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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