he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
